can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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