Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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