i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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