community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
