I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
