I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
