No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize