Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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