My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
