I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
