note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
