I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
