I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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