why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My bed smells like the plague
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
