I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
