my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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