I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
