Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize