I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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