So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
