Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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