Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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