and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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