sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
