Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
