Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I would fuck him just for his dog
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