she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
