She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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