i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
