I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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