either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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