I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize