dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
