they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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