so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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