shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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