Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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