i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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