This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
