to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
