think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
