do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
