You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
