who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
