That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
