I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
