When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
