Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
