dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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