Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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