and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize