the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
