Dual....:-)
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
