I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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