Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
