OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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