May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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