This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
