Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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