rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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