Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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