oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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