I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
