Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
