So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize