My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
